Wesker's Horrible Day
by Mystic Snake
Summary: Wesker has a horrible night!!! He trys to order a pizza... But thats where the trouble starts!!! Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Snake:Weclome to another RE fic!!! Now, I hope you all like this fic!!! Now, as the tittle states, this is Wesker's horrible day!!! He trys to order a pizza. But he runs into trouble!!! Namely, Wesker bashing... Well, not alot...  
  
Wesker's Horrible Day  
  
Chapter 1:I want pizza, damnit!  
  
I do not own anything  
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It was another wonderful day at Wesker's evil lair. As he sat at his computer to update his website:WWW.Ihatechris.com. So far there were 5,000 members. Including a kid by the name of Solid Snake.  
  
"*Sigh*Lifes been so boring ever since rockfort. All I do is sit around and chat online with that kid who shares the same hatred of Chris as me..." Said Wesker.  
  
"Lets see whats on TV..." Said Wesker sitting down to watch his EVIIIL TV. No, really! That was the brand! EVIIIL TV!!! He flashed threw the chanels.  
  
"Dude! We're gettin' a Dell! *CLICK* I lost another one to Ditect!! *CLICK* AHHHH!!! This soap burns my skin!!! *CLICK* Come on down at Drugie-rugs!!! We have all the rugs you can dance on when you become high from drugs!!! *CLICK*"  
  
"Theres nothing on!" Said Wesker.  
  
Suddenly a ad came on.  
  
"The Evil Villian Movie Marathon!!!" Yelled The Announcer Voice.  
  
"A Evil Villian Movie Marathon?" Asked Wesker.  
  
"Thats what I said Spooky Man With Red Glowing Eyes!!!" Yelled TAV.  
  
"A marathon dedicated to villian movies!!!" Yelled TAV.  
  
"Those movies are for me!!!" Yelled Wesker.  
  
"Your darn totin'!!!" Yelled TAV.  
  
"When is it on?" Asked Wesker.  
  
"Tonight at 8:00 PM." Said TAV.  
  
"Channel?" Asked Wesker.  
  
"Channel 27."  
  
"Thanks." Thanked Wesker.  
  
"No problem." Said TAV.  
  
"Well, lets see if I'm gonna watch a movie marathon I'll need beer, pizza, and some friends!..... Well, I have beer and I could order a pizza.... Well, who needs friends!" Said Wesker.  
  
"Now where did I put that phonebook..." Said Wesker looking around.  
  
He went into his bathroom and looked on his 'reading rack' by his tolit. He walked up to his rack and looked threw the books a book that said 'How To Kill A Redfield'.  
  
"Hey! I've been lookin' for that!" Said Wesker touching it. Suddenly a boulder came crashing down on the rack.  
  
"Damn Spencer worksmanship..." Said Wesker walking out the bathroom.  
  
He walked over to his living room and saw the phonebook laying by a chair. As he walked up to it his pet Hunter ran up to it and grabbed it with his teeth.  
  
"Hey! Hunter!!! Put it down!!! I didnt teach you to chew up books! I taught you to chew Chris up!!!" Yelled Wesker.  
  
The Hunter took one look at Wesker and ran the other way.  
  
"Come back here you disobedient little prick!!!" Yelled Wesker running after Hunter.  
  
The Hunter raised his hand and brang up his middle claw.  
  
"Oh, I'm gonna rip you teeth out your ass!!!" Yelled Wesker.  
  
The Hunter fliped him off again.  
  
"Next time I'm getting a Cerberus for a pet!!!" Yelled Wesker.   
  
Finally Wesker caches up and jumps Hunter.  
  
"Take this!!!" Yelled Wesker ripping the phonebook out of the Hunters mouth.... Tearing it to shreds...  
  
"You little prick!!!" Yelled Wesker breaking the Hunter's neck.  
  
"Stupid B.O.W weapons..." Said Wesker.  
  
Wesker looked threw the ripped pages and actully found the page with the pizza number with only a few tears.  
  
"Well, this one looks good." Said Wesker looking at one number said 'Call ----ord Pizza Place... The first letters were torn out because of the prick-err I mean Hunter.  
  
"What ends this 'ord?" Said Wesker picking up the phone and dialing the number.  
  
For some reason the ringing sounded like that freaky song that hot chick Alexia sang. Wesker for some reason started singing and dancing.  
  
"Hello?" Asked the person on the other line.  
  
"There was a friendly but naive king-I, uhh, mean hello?" Asked Wesker.  
  
"Hello. Mmmyeeee yees. Welcome to the Ashford Pizza Place. Mmmmyeee yes..." Said the oh-so gay sounding guy.  
  
".....Can I have a large pizza please, with mushrooms and pepporonis." Said Wesker.  
  
"Yeeees, that'll be 45 bucks." Said Alfred.  
  
"45 bucks?!?! How 'bout you make 20 and I wont kick your sorry little Ashford, sister lovin' ass!!!" Yelled Wesker.  
  
"I'll have you know that my ass does not love my sister!!!........" Said Alfred.  
  
"Do you know who I am?!?! I will kick your sissy little ass as hard as I can! And thats pretty damn hard!!!" Yelled Wesker.  
  
"Mmmmyeees I'd like to see you try it mommas boy!!!" Yelled Alfred.  
  
"....I never had mother..." Said Wesker.  
  
"Thats sad... And funny at the same time." Said Alfred.  
  
"Fine... I'll pay the money." Said Wesker.  
  
"Good choise!!! The last guy didnt pay the price strangly.... Disapeared, mmmyeees!!!" Laughed Alfred.  
  
".....Your one sick screwed up little child..." Said Wesker.  
  
"And I'm proud of it!!!" Yelled Alfred.  
  
"Okay, my adress is-"  
  
"Sorry, we dont deliever." Said Alfred.  
  
"...You just erned you self an ass whoppin'" Said Wesker.  
  
"Cant you just pick it up?" Asked Alfred.  
  
"Okay...." Said Wesker.  
  
"Please leave your name." Said Alfred.  
  
"Albert Wesker." Said Wesker.  
  
"Mmmmye, hey, hey, hey, its Scary Albert. Mmmmmyes." Laughed Alfred.  
  
".....I'm sure you'll get your ass kicked again." Said Wesker hanging up.   
  
Wesker goes out side to see that his car is wrecked and theres spray paint on it that says "S.T.A.R.S. RULE!!!" and "HCF SUCKS!!!".  
  
"I'll get you crazy kids!!!" Yelled Wesker into the sky.  
  
Wesker looked to see that his car was totalled.  
  
"Damn..." Yelled Wesker.  
  
Wesker started walking down the street and too the pizza place....  
TBC  
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Snake:Okay, hope you like this fic!!! Its not gonna be that long. Only a few chapters. Please review!!!! Hehehe.... Will Wesker get his pizza?! What will happen on the way to Ashford Pizza Place?! And what will happen when he gets there?!?! Will he get back in time to see his Villian Movie Marathon?!?! Why am I asking you all these questions?! Find out in chapter 2!!!!!!! 


	2. I'll Get To That Pizza Place, Dammit!

Snake:Really sorry!!! I havent been really been into writing alot this last couple months.... Anyway, my PS2 had to be sent away to get fixed and I wont get it back for awhile. So now I got a LOT of time to update my fics. I also had writers block. Ok, that's enough of me talking.... But I bet alot of you love my voice.... Wait, where are you going?! Come back!!! Please!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Wesker's Horrible Day  
  
Chapte 2:I'll Get to That Pizza Place, Dammit!!!  
  
I do not own anything  
  
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Wesker was walking along the street. Heading torwards the pizza place.  
  
"Damn S.T.A.R.S.... Messing my car up.... I'll get them... I'll go egg their houses... Hehehe..." He laughed evily.  
  
He continued entil he saw someone... It was Jill!!!  
  
Wesker tryed to act cool...  
  
"Hey Jill..." Wesker said.  
  
"Hey.... Umm, whats your name again...?" Jill said.  
  
"Wesker..." Weske said.  
  
"Oh... Who were you again...?" Jill asked again.  
  
"Alber Wesker... I was captain of S.T.A.R.S... We dated for two months!!! We used to do kinky shit together!!!" Wesker yelled.  
  
"Ohhh, hey Wesker!" Jill said.  
  
"God, why did I ever date a moron like you!!! Get the fudge away me!!!" Wekser screamed running away.  
  
"He was always a jerk..." Jill said going to Wesker's place and slaahing out the tires of his car...  
  
"God!! No wonder I dont have friends! There all morons!!!" He screamed.  
  
He continued on. Until he saw someone mugging someone!!! He had to do something!!  
  
"Hey!" Wesker yelled.  
  
The Mugger turned around and looked at Wesker.  
  
"What the hell do you want!" The Mugger asked.  
  
"....Your doing it all wrong!" Wesker yelled.  
  
"....???"  
  
"Look, instead of just taking the money, rough him up a bit! Like this..." Wesker said kicking the guy in the nuts...  
  
"Ohh, thanks!" The Mugger said, who started beating the crap out of the poor person that was kicked in the most holy part of a man....  
  
"All in a days work my friend!!" Wesker yelled flying off!!!..... No, not really... He just walked off...  
  
He continued on....again. He fell into his thoughts of killing Chris... He didnt notice someone bump into him...  
  
"Hey, watch out-" He stopped when he noticed it was William Birkin!!!  
  
"Hey!!" Wesker yelled.  
  
"Hey Wesker. What are you doing out side yuor lair?" Birkin asked.  
  
"I have to pick up a pizza at the ash-"  
  
"Ashford Pizza Place... I ordered from there too... 45 bucks for one pizza..." Birkin said.  
  
"Hey, want to come back to my place and watch a Evil Villian Movie marathon?" Wesker asked.  
  
"I'm there!" Birkin yelled.  
  
"Ok, and I got some beer!!! Now lets go get that pizza!" Wesker yelled.  
  
"Saved me 45 bucks..." Birkin said under his breath...  
  
They continued on entil they started hearing weird theme music...  
  
"What the hell is that...?" Wesker asked.  
  
"It sounds kinda like the theme music from Zorro..." Birkin said.  
  
"..."  
  
A few seconds later they saw a woosh go by! It looked like.... Zorro!!!... Or someone dressed like him....   
  
A man dressed in black stood on a building, looking down at Birkin and Wesker.  
  
"It's Zorro!!!" Birkin yelled.  
  
"...Birkin? Are you blind? Thats just Chris Redfield dressed as Zorro..." Wesker.  
  
As Birkin looked closer it WAS Chris, "Guess you right..." Birkin said.   
  
"I wonder what the retard is up to...." Wesker wondered.  
  
"HAHA! I am the mighty Zorro!!" Chris yelled.  
  
"No your not!!! You the mighty.... Forro!!!..." Birkin yelled.  
  
"...Birkin, that was the worst comeback I ever heard...." Wesker said.  
  
"...Shutup jackass..."  
  
'Zorro' jumped down and pulled out a plastic sword, "I shall stop you evil one!!!" Chris screamed.  
  
"...screw this, I want to eat tonight..." Wesker said picking up Chris and throw Chris in a dumpster... But not before taking his wallet... And punching him in the nuts... Hehehehe... And taking some shots with his digital camera for his website...  
  
All of sudden most of the S.T.A.R.S team came running torwards the dumpster as Chris jumped out and started running down the street...  
  
"Hey! Why is Dumbass dressed as Zorro?" Wesker asked.  
  
"He got into Barrys pot stash and now we have to get him back..." Claire said.  
  
"I'll get him!!!" Leon yelled pulling out a Desert Eagle... *POW!**POW!*..... Chris is laying down motionless...  
  
"YAY!! Good thing that Leon had those tranquilizers in his gun!" Jill yelled.  
  
"...What tranquilizers...??" Leon asked...  
  
"....Uh oh...." Everyone said.... Then all of them just run away...  
  
"HAHA!!! WHO'S DEAD NOW!!!" Wesker yelled.  
  
"Come on... Before the cops get here..." Birkin shouts...  
  
They run for a little while when... They finally reach the Pizza Place!!!! Yahoo!!!...   
  
TBC  
  
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Snake:There's the end of chapter 2!!! Sorry for not updating... But I had writers block! But I'm back!!! Now as you read this chapter 3 is being writen!! So dont worry, you'll all get the next chapter faster!!! Sorry this chapter isnt as funny as the first, but I'm tryin'. So dont be too harsh if you dont find if funny... Well, see ya next chapter!!! 


	3. Just Shutup And Give Me A Pizza, Dammit!

Snake:Hey all, told ya' I'd be back faster!!! Anyway, not much to say. Hope you all liked the last chapter. Because I did! I love Resident Evil!!! It's the worlds greatest video game series in the world!!!! Go out and buy Resident Evil 1/2/3/Code:Veronica/Remake/Zero today!!!!.... Ok, how was that???  
  
Capcom:Great, you'll get the check in the mail....  
  
Snake:Good....  
  
Wesker's Horrible Day  
  
Chapter 3:Just Shutup And Give Me A Pizza, Dammit  
  
I dont own anything  
  
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Wesker and Birkin opened the door to the Pizza Place and walked in. They walk over to the counter. Wesker dings the bell.  
  
"Hello!?" Wesker asked.  
  
No anser.  
  
"HELLO!?" They both yell.  
  
They turn around to look the place over.... But as they got their back is turned Alfred rises from behind the counter with a creepy ass grin on his ugly mug...  
  
"May I help you?" Alfred says with a small voice.  
  
"AHHHH!" Wesker and Birkin scream turning around.  
  
"Mmmmyes, how may I help you...?" Alfred asked.  
  
"Where the hell where you..." Wesker asked.  
  
"Doing something with my sister that involved a golf ball, handcuffs, and grapefruit... Hehehehehehehehehe....." Alfred giggled....  
  
Wesker and Birkin have a look of horror plastered on their faces... Birkin runs and pukes in the trash can...  
  
"Ok, you little freak, we called erlier. An Albert Wesker and a William Birkin..." Wesker said.  
  
"Let me check..." He leans down under the counter.  
  
"Alexia.... Do we have a Albert Wesker and William Birkin?" Alfred asked.  
  
Birkin pukes again....  
  
Alexia rises dressed as a clown....  
  
"Ok, we got an Albert Wesker... But no William Birkin..." Alexia said as she honked her big red noise.  
  
"Huh? Birkin... I thought that you ordered a pizza from this place..." Wesker asked.  
  
"Oh, I should of told you, I dont use my real name for ANYTHING..." Birkin said.  
  
"So, what name did you use..?" Wesker asked.  
  
"...Rusty Shackleferd..." Birkin said.  
  
"...Rusty Shackleferd...?" Wesker asked.  
  
"Yeah...." Birkin said....  
  
"....Anyway, what about a Rusty Shackleferd?" Wesker asked.  
  
"...Yep, right here...*HONK**HONK*!!" Honked Alexia.  
  
"Ok, We'll be taking our pizza now..."  
  
"Mmmmmyees, I'm sorry, but the pizza wont be done for about 15 minutes..." Alfred said.  
  
"What about mine?" Birkin asked.  
  
"Oh, here it is...." Alfred said reaching under the counter and bringing out a pizza....  
  
"No thanks!!!" Birkin yelled...  
  
"Fine them.... Alexia can have it..." Alfred said putting it under the counter. Few seconds later we hear awful muching noises and bits of pizza flying everywhere... A peice of pizza hits Birkin in the face...  
  
"Oh, God!" Birkin yells puking yet again...  
  
"...Look, I got to go see if my friend is ok... Tell me when the pizza is ready..." Wesker walking over to Birkin.  
  
"Yes, Scary Albert, hehehehehehe..." Alfred giggled.  
  
"..."   
  
Wesker walks over to Birkin too see if he was ok.  
  
"Come on, walk it off. My mother aways made me walk it off!" Wesker yelled.  
  
"I thought you didnt have a mother?" Alfred asked.  
  
"I say alot of things....." Wesker said.  
  
They sat there for about 10 minutes waiting....  
  
1 minute later....  
  
2 minutes later....  
  
3 minutes later....  
  
4 minutes later....  
  
5 minutes later....  
  
"Hey, sister-lover! Is our pizza done yet!" Wesker yelled.  
  
Silence.....  
  
More silence.....  
  
ALOT more silence....  
  
"...Wait here Birkin..." Wesker said walking through the kitchen door.  
  
He looked around, noone was around. He walked alittle ways and continued to look the place over. He then saw two ovens on, one with a pizza in it that look done, and.... He could'nt see threw the glass... He slowly walked forward and put his hand on the handle and slowy opened it.... As he opened it...  
  
"AHH!!!" Wesker screamed.  
  
"Please help me..!!" Alfred yelled as he was in the oven and looked quite burned...  
  
"?!"  
  
"I got stuck trying to get a pizza out! Please help me!!!" Alfred yelled.  
  
Wesker gave a little, evil giggle...  
  
"Dont worry, I'll tell your sister on the way out...." Wesker said picking up some mittins and taking the pizza out of the other oven...  
  
"Mmmmmm, smells juuust right..." Wesker said evily putting it in a box.  
  
"Nooo!!! Please dont leave me here!!!" Alfred cried.  
  
"Dont worry, I'll leave a twenty on the counter..." Wesker said walking out, giggling evily.  
  
As he walked out of the kitchen he went to the counter and put a twenty doller bill on it and knocked on it.  
  
"Hey, clown chick. Your dumbass brother told me to tell you to go check on him in twenty minutes...  
  
"...Got it!" Alexia said.  
  
"Come on Birkin!" Wesker yelled running out the door.  
  
"Wait for me!" Birkin screamed running out the door after him...  
  
A few minutes later....  
  
"Hey, what's the rushing...?" Birkin asked.  
  
Wesker then broke out laughing.  
  
"What's the hells so funny?!" Birking yelled.  
  
"*Gasp*A-Aflred was stuck in an oven!" Wesker laughed.  
  
"..And you left him there...?" Birkin asked.  
  
"Yeah..." Wesker said.  
  
"That's harsh.... But funny!" Birkin said laughing too.  
  
They both walked on... But they still have to get to Wesker's place before they're safe.....  
  
TBC  
  
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Snake:Hey there!!! Well, that's another chapter!!! The next chapter might be the last one. After that I could do a sequel! If you all review I could write one up! Well, anyway. Please all, R&R!! See ya soon!!! It might be awhile before I update. I got to update a couple other fics of my. Resident Evil:Survivor and a Dragonball Z fic of mine. Well, see ya! 


	4. I Wish I Were Home, Dammit!

Mystic Snake:.....Err...WAAY sorry for the wait! I've had writer's block for a long while and then I've had computer problems for while. A thousand sorrys! In future I'll make sure that this doesnt happen again!  
  
A random angry reviewer comes up and punches me in the stomach. I cough and fall to my knees....  
  
Reviewer:Make sure of it!!  
  
MS:N-noted....  
  
Weskers Horrible Day  
  
Chapter 4:I Wish I Were Home, Dammit!  
  
Disclaimer:I do not Resident Evil in anyway shape or form.  
  
As Wesker and Birkin walked down the street, happy that they have almost completed their mission without being killed, shot at, or catching anything from them creepy hobos are want to show you a 'puppy'....  
  
"Wow, this sure was a fun night!" Birkin said.  
  
"...You are so Simple minded..." Wesker replied.  
  
"And proud of it!" Birkin said.  
  
"How did we even meet..?!" Wesker said.  
  
"I think it was in high-school..." Birkin said.  
  
FLASH BACK  
  
"I'm almost complete with my uber-dangerous virus that will make me rich!" A young Birkin said.  
  
"I could'nt help but over hear you talking about an evil virus that will make you uber rich." Said a young Wesker.  
  
".....Yeah...." Birkin said slowly.  
  
"...Why don't you grab it and put it in your pocket and lets go grab a beer." Wesker said.  
  
"Sure!!!" Birkin yelled.  
  
Three hours laters Wesker and birkin are drunk in some bar, Birkin is giggling like a madman as he has a dart board hanging from his neck as Wesker thows darts at him....  
  
Two hours later Wesker and Birkin are sitting at a table with a chinese guy with an eye-patch with a revlolver.  
  
"Two Bullet!!! Two Bullet!!!" Eye-patch screamed.  
  
"Dude, you got to do this he's gonna cut your ding-dong off with a rusty coffee can lid!" Wesker nervously said.  
  
"O-okay..." Birkin spun the chamber and pulled the trigger... BANG!!!  
  
Fast forward two hours later, Birkin has a patch on the side of his skull...  
  
"Your my best fwend..." Brikin said drunkenly.  
  
"Hey, Could you let me 'borrow' that virus from ya? I swear I'll give it back." Wesker said.  
  
"Suuuure..." Birkin said clearly baked from morphine...  
  
Birkin hands it over to Wesker who is chuckling...  
  
"J-just make Sure to GiVE IT Back..."Birkin said drunkenly.  
  
"Give what back?" Wesker said.  
  
Birking started laughing, soon after Wesker joins his laughs. Birkin pass' out in a gutter and Wesker runs aways laughing evily...  
  
END FLASH BACK!!!  
  
"...You bitch!!!" Birkin screamed.  
  
"Hey! Shutup! I only got 70 million for that virus!" Wesker screamed.  
  
"70 Million?!"  
  
"Yeah, but I.... kinda lost it all in investments..." Wesker said.  
  
"What did you invest in?" Birkin asked, just about forgeting that this fudging moron ruined his life.  
  
"A movie.... Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure..." Wesker said.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!! God, you suck..." Birkin said.  
  
So they continued on, For about a block intil Birkin stopped at an allyway.  
  
"Why did we stop?" Wesker asked.  
  
"This is a short-cut!" Birkin Said.  
  
"Is it safe...??" Wekser asked eyeing the dank, slimy walls, the boxs with used needles, A leg and arm sticking out of a trash can....  
  
"Oh sure! I let Sherry play out here all the time!" birkin said.  
  
"....Sherry's been kidnapped for Six years now..." Wesker Said.  
  
".....FUDGE!!!" Birkin screamed.  
  
......  
  
"..."  
  
"Well, no use crying over spilt milk!" Birkin said.  
  
"OO.... Lets just hurry, I don't want this pizza to get cold..." Wesker said.  
  
So on they go, unaware of the dangers and stupidity....  
  
A few minutes later... Birkin and Wesker are seen skipping down the allyway singing...  
  
"Oh, We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz!" They both sang and skipped arm in arm..... In a straight kinda way of course... Uhh, speeding along, They come across a large open area with two other alyways.  
  
"Do you know where your going...?" Wesker asked.  
  
"Yeah, I saw it in this walkthrough..."Birkin said holding up a Resident Evil 3 walkthrough.  
  
"You moron! We're not in RE3 Racoon City! We're in Resident Evil OutBreak Racoon City!" Wesker screamed.  
  
"...That explains why a waitress shot that cop and screamed "NOOBS MuSt DIEEeeeEEEeE!!!"....." Birkin said.   
  
"..............."  
  
"So, let's just ask someone!" Birkin said.  
  
".....WHO?!?!" Wesker yelled.  
  
"That kind fellow over there." Birkin said pointing over to an old bum who was laying by some boxs, Tweaking on some LSD....  
  
"...Fine..." Wesker said as he slowly walked up to the old man.  
  
"...Uh, sir could you tell me where-"  
  
"Get you own damn milk!!" The crazed bum shouted jumping on Wesker and started gnawing on his ankle.  
  
"AHHH! Get it off! Get it off!" Wesker screamed hitting the bum upside the head with the pizza.   
  
"Whooo! Bitch fight!!!" Birkin screamed jumping on the bum and punching the bum in the back of the head.  
  
After a few more minutes and a few stabs from Wesker boot knife he pulled out, the bum finally let go.   
  
The bum stood with the knife sticking out his chest.  
  
"CUT!!" Someone shouted.  
  
"Whaa...?" Wesker asked as a cloth that looked like the wall of the allyway was pulled away, revealing a director, camera, and a crew.  
  
"What are the heck are you doing in the shot???" The Diector angerly asked.  
  
"....I'm confused..." Birkin asked.  
  
"Don't you know? Tihs is the shooting for Resident Evil 4, and that was a zombie that was going to attack Leon."  
  
"...Zombie...?" Wesker asked looking at the bleeding 'bum'...  
  
"Here, read." The Director said giving him an video game magazine with an article about RE4 and no Zombies. Wesker scimed through it.  
  
".....I'm so quiting when I get home...." Wesker said throwing the magazine away.  
  
"Hey, give me that! That had an article about Final Fantasy XII! The grapics are the bomb on that game!" Birkin said running to get the magazine....  
  
"Let's get the hell out of here..." Wesker said.  
  
So they continued on, making it out of the allyway. They look at the street name, 'Racoon's Butt'...  
  
"Where do you live again?" asked Birkin.  
  
"I live on 'Racoon's Bowels' street. Only two blocks away... Well atleast your shortcut worked!" Wesker said with a grin.  
  
So they walked along, ignoring the drive-bys, the quickie-marts geting robbed, the children jumping into the back of a black van, saying, "Where goddamn candy?!" before pulling out a gat and shooting the would-be kidnapper....   
  
"Hey, let's stop by that liquor store to get some more booze.... I'm kinda low..." Wesker said stopping at the door.  
  
"But you had twelve cases last week...?" Birkin said.  
  
".....I get lonely...." Wesker said....  
  
".....Anyway... We're gonna some fake idea..." Birkin whispered.  
  
"...We're in our mid Fourties...." Wesker said.  
  
"Exactly.... Now your thinkin' if we think that age, we're basicly that age!" Birkin.  
  
"......"  
  
So they walked in, Birkin looking at the selection, while Wesker grabs three 24 cases of beer and three bottles of Jack Daniels....  
  
"Never mind...." Birkin said.  
  
So they pay for the booze and go out the store Wesker smiling happily, holding tightly on his beloved booze. Birkin follows, holding the pizza. So they continue on, just one block away from Weskers lair.  
  
"Finally! we can sit down, watch some good movies, and get drunk!" Wesker said.  
  
"...And eat some good ol' pizza..." Birkin added.  
  
".....Right..... You think they make booze flavored pizzas...?" Wesker asked.  
  
"...Check into AA you damn alcheholic...." Birkin said.  
  
They finally got to the street of Racoons bowel... Now who didnt want to say that?!  
  
Anyway, they walked down the side walk to the house on the end of the stip of houses.  
  
But as always I wont let them off so lucky.... Hehehehehehe.......  
  
As they walked they heard a voice shouting out.  
  
"El' Zorro will stop you evil feinds!!!"  
  
"Oh no..." They both said together.  
  
It was El' Zorro!! Or to the people who didnt read my other chapters, It was Chris Redfeild Stoned out of his mind!!  
  
"I am back from the ER!" He shouted.  
  
"...."  
  
"HAHA! Taste my power!" Chris screamed throwing a brick at Birkin, hitting in the face.  
  
"Hey! No one hurts my freind and get away with it! I'm goin' Street Fighter on your ass!" Wesker shouted.  
  
"Well, I'm going Soul Calibur on YOUR ass!" Chris shouted back pulling a big shiny sword.  
  
"....Oh yeah? Looks like I'm gonna have to go bar crazy on your ass!" Wesker said opening up one of his boxs of beer and pulling out a bottle, he was about smash it on the side walk and use as a weapon, but stopped.  
  
"...Uhh, could you wait and let me drink this quick, I don't want to break it open and get it all over my clean close, okay?" Wesker asked.  
  
"Okay, go ahead..."Chris said.  
  
Wesker opened up the bottle and gulp it all down, he looked over at Chris to say he wasnt looking.... So he tossed the empty bottle behind a house.  
  
"Whoops, looks like I lost that bottle... Iguees I'm gonna have to get another one..." Wesker said picking up another bottle and gulping that one down.  
  
"Come on, hurry up! I've got to go shout at a wall..." Chris said.  
  
While Chris wasnt looking he threw that bottle away...  
  
"Looks like I'm gonna have to get anoth-"  
  
"JUST GUT HE MOTHERFUDGER!!!!" screamed Birkin as he got up.  
  
"Okay, okay..." Wesker said smahing the bottle against the side walk and ran at Chris with the broken bottle.  
  
"HAHA! We duel!" Chris shouted.  
  
Five minutes later, Wesker has Chris by the head with the broken bottle at his throat.  
  
Finally the S.T.A.R.S. and all the other good guys came running up.  
  
"Wait! Don't kill him!" Jill screamed.  
  
"One question:Why is he baked again?" Wesker asked.  
  
They all turn to barry...  
  
"I, uhh, thought that... uh you know it would help take away some of the pain..." Barry said.  
  
"...Whatever call it even if you give me twenty bucks..." Wesker said.  
  
"Deal"  
  
So wesker let chris go as they gave him twenty bucks.  
  
So Wesker walks back over to Birkin, who is on a cellphone... With AA...  
  
"Uh huh... okay, Monday at four! See ya'll there!" Birkin said.  
  
"Who was that?" Wesker asked.  
  
".....My wife.... Say do you want to go to..... Disney Land on Monday, oh say at four pm...? My treat..." Birkin said.  
  
"Sure!" Wesker said.  
  
So finally... They get to Weskers lair!!! YAY!!! They walk inside his lair and go into the living room, and sit in front of the 62" tv screen, they place the pizza down on the table, they both open a beer and turn the tv on, the movie marathon justed then start.  
  
"Ah, its finally over..." Birkin said.  
  
THE END.........? Or is it....  
  
THE NEXT MORING....  
  
Wesker and Birkin are in the two bathrooms in Weskers house on the can, screaming the same thing....  
  
"DIEARRA!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
At the Ashford pizza place...  
  
"Hehehehe... Noone gets away from my evil!!!" Alfred laughed evily.... Alexis is in the back honking her nose, she then makes a baloon dog.  
  
"Oh, doggy!" Alfred said, grabing it....  
  
THE END  
  
MS:Well, thats it! Its over! Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Thank you all! without you all I could'nt finish this! See you all next time!!! 


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